ok im back to posting once again at midnight .
same situation /mood & thinkings .

feel so weak now , just now intended to walk to kitchen and take water for my medicine ,
in th end ,halfway through my leg suddenly went trembling,
seriously hate having this kinda feelings , sucks & my damn fever like playing a fool with me.
Go and come & go and come , like my body is a hotel like that-.-
just now still ok , now suddenly got fever again , just eaten 2 panadol ,
still nothing change , sometimes i really hate those damn advertisment ,
make till like th product very good but in th end , it doesnt work is like so freaking cheater & liar !
damn , im starting to worry alr , if i still dont recover tmr ,
that means im not able to go training ,
after wed th monkey is coming back & her birthday is rching ,
dont know whether by that day i'll recover anot , hais.
i feel so useless , at this minute then sick ):

sometimes i think , when i say im ok , am i really ok ?
to hide th truth , hide th secret i've to act like nobody buisiness ,even i'myself is lost in th actings.
i hate to be strong when im not , yet i hate to be weak ,
esp in front of those whom meant alot to me ,
im so sick of acting , sick of giving up , sick of seeing things change like th speed of lightning
hate liars , hate cheaters , hate myself for being dumb to fell into traps,
i hatehatehate and i sucks & till now im still struggling in th past ,
struggling to make a decision which is obviously out ,
and why must everytime im th one to give up ?
whywhywhy ? why must everytime th thing i desire always seems to so far away from me ?
if heaven is purposely doing this to me ,
i reallyreallyreally wna ask one ques ,
what i do to deserve all this ?
i guess im able to overcome sooner or later , i guess . . .
i've no other choice isnt it ? since when there is a choice for me ?
and th ans is N-O and lastly , HEAVEN IS SO FCUKING UNFAIR_l_